The holidays are a time to rejoice, eat, party, celebrate, visit, eat, drive, spend, did I mention eat? It starts with Halloween, lots of candy, overindulgence of sugar and poor dietary choices. This moves quickly to Thanksgiving; family comes to town, more eating, football, spending, arguing, clean up and eat again (love those leftovers). Then, we stay up all night to save a few bucks on gifts that we can’t really afford. Is it true that this time of year brings out the best and worst of us?
The hope that the holidays bring is only exceeded by the conflict and debt it produces. We all want to connect with family. We all want to celebrate the birth of Christ. We all want to enjoy traditions that have been passed from generation to generation. Why does it seem these are the most stressful, pain-filled, heart-ache days of our year? This, to be followed by the start of a new year that forces us to make pledges of change.
Why not start now with change? Let’s learn from holidays past to make this a great season of worship and family.
Here’s the deal men, it’s time to get in the game. All too often, in an effort to be compliant we just go along with the flow and try not to make a mess of things. We think we are leading, in fact, we are just conceding. Concession will ultimately lead to resentment and that’s usually what happens in January after the dust has settled. Well, I don’t think that is how the people of God should act. We all end up disconnected, hurt, tired, frustrated and broke when the new year rolls around. Here are some ideas to get you in engaged, so you can fully enjoy this most Holy of seasons.
Tip #1: Make a plan.
Proverbs 29:18a “Where there is no vision, the people perish” (KJV)
It’s not too late, you still can do. Without a specific goal, there is no way to know where you are going or if you are making good time. To fully enjoy this season a strategy is very useful. This will mean an investment of time. Gentlemen, your wives have been planning this for quite a while. It’s time for you to get on board and become an active participant in this endeavor. You are going to have to get together with her, make an appointment if need be, and get pen and paper and start to set plans and goals. It’s like painting a room. Preparation is the key to having a beautiful paint job. You must tape everything, have the right tools, drop cloths in place, ladders, brushes, etc. If you don’t, it’s going to be a mess. It’s the same with planning the holidays. You have to take the time to get on the same page:
- Look at the schedule. Who is coming and when. Who is picking up at the airport and where are they staying? What events are we committed to? Which ones are optional? You should coordinate your calendars so she knows what work responsibilities you are dealing with and how much freedom you have. If we get on the same page it can keep me from being defensive if I have a lot on my plate and she starts to add things to it. This will also help me understand how full her plate is and how I can help ease her burden. This needs to be a team effort. Does she feel like I’m on her team or working against her?
- Meal planning. Ladies are always carrying this by themselves. Why should they? Can we help shop? Of course we can. In most cases we don’t think to ask. If we are asking, “How can I help?”, she won’t have to feel like she is “bugging me” when she asks me to run to the store. Help her think through what the meals can look like and who will do the cooking. You can cook a breakfast or two if need be. This will also keep you from being disappointed with leftovers, or a depleted pantry. It’s better to get involved than just to complain, “….we don’t have anything to eat around here.”
- Travel. If you are traveling to see family, this is an important part of the plan. Driving can cause a great deal of tension in the family. If we plan accordingly we can avoid some of this tension. Men: take your time! This is not a race. You can make this trip more enjoyable if you relax and allow everyone to be comfortable with your driving and take time for potty stops. Plan on making the drive fun; play games like the alphabet game, or calling out the states of license plates etc. Try not to drive too far each day, you will wear yourself out before you even get there. Don’t be too cheap to get a hotel, it will cost you a lot more in the end if you don’t! Be sure to reserve your hotel room (I learned this one the hard way).
- Games/Activities. This is where you can really shine men. Get everyone involved in charades, board games, or outside activities. This will keep the kids active and away from technology. It’s family time, not time to disappear into a phone, computer or a video game. We must plan to make the most of these times or it won’t happen. Your wife does not want to make you have to do this, she wants it to be your idea. She knows you are a lot more enthusiastic about your ideas, than hers. If you have a lot of family, making last minute activity plans can be a nightmare and create lots of conflict. Take charge (while still being patient) and make the most of these plans.
“He who fails to plan, is planning to fail”- Winston Churchill
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